Lucky Ones
by little-L0
Summary: In this poetry prose story, Emily is a troubled girl, yes she is a woman now but she is still a girl. She met Tommy Shelby in London before the war, and ever since her world revolved around the Shelby name. The war changed them both, especially Tommy, driving them apart. But how can they be apart when in the same world? (NOTE: I do not own anything of peaky blinders.)
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time,

There was a girl who lived with little.

She was little.

There was a boy who took her away,

And gave her a home,

A family,

Himself.

With him, she felt tall.

But then the war came,

Guns and smoke,

Blood and tears.

And he grew small.

She tried and he tried.

Like that "Welcome home."

Soon became "Goodbye."

Yet forever they remained within each other.

-_Tommy and Emily_


	2. Chapter 2

**Scene 1 (Emily)**

If I could, I would've told you.

Screamed out if I had to,

But I didn't.

Instead, I'm stuck seeing you every day until my last.

Our stories entwined like an infinity knot.

I want to pretend none of it true,

None of it ever happen.

But it did.

And here we are,

Your eyes gazing at me from the far end of the room.

Secretly I don't want to feel another,

But they all say I have to.

Will, I ever love again?

I'll never love again.

-_Is this goodbye, or just another hello?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Scene 1 (Tommy)**

My world keeps turning around me.

Am I making the right decision?

Ready to give you up?

This feeling,

Things have to be different now.

Erasing your kiss from my lips,

Your name from my tongue

Your skin from my touch.

But not love,

That is always you.

You catch my gaze.

-_Do I say hello, or remain at goodbye?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Scene 2 (Emily)**

Home is different now,

A dream from last night now a memory.

I felt your arms around me again.

Your breath warmed up the room.

Even in the dark, I saw your smile.

I was happy.

We were happy.

Instead of all of this, I had you again.

But I lie with another, and I "love" him.

He knows he's not you,

Everyone knows that.

Do you?

Who I am is mainly just you.

I'm a girl, aren't I?

I before was nothing.

Grey buildings,

Grey smoke,

Gray skies,

I was grey.

The tattered empty building with cold winds until you came.

The door opens

"Em!" I hear keys drop to the floor and a bang on the wall.

Arthur is his name,

My husband, your brother.

Our drunkard.

I blow the candlelight off.

_-Whiskey fills the room._


	5. Chapter 5

**Scene 3**

The aunt is gypsy like me.

But with the Shelby name attached to our bodies.

Polly.

What do I say about her?

Big jewelry,

Curly hair,

Candles, lots of them,

Black eyeliner.

Incense runs around the room in smoke.

"You're thinking of him."

Mumbling as she gives me another card.

Rolling my eyes, I hate her and love her.

She likes to think she can sense everything in everyone.

Then why am I constantly in a state of blue?

Not everything revolves around Shelby's.

-_A king and an ace. 21!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Scene 4**

I was about nineteen when I first met you.

London was a big city, too big.

Buildings were big,

Machines were big,

Men were bigger though.

Girls don't do well in the city alone.

A pocket knife can only go so far.

Plenty had hurt me, but you saved me from a group of them.

Basket of bread on the wet ground,

My dress was torn up,

Dark alley,

Razor blades in your hat,

You grabbing my hand after.

"Thank you." trembling, nervous.

Never knew a man can be trusted before.

_-First encounters._


	7. Chapter 7

**Scene 6**

The kids run around me in circles until I get dizzy.

A baby wailing in my arms.

"Mommy!" I have to remind the little one pointing to the photograph of his mother.

She's dead,

He doesn't understand.

I come almost every day to care for the kids while their father does Shelby business.

I'm the kids' aunt by law through Arthur.

They don't understand.

Little chickens they are.

"Thank you so much, Em." kissing my cheek and taking the baby.

Your younger brother, John.

My best friend.

"You don't know how much you help me." bouncing the baby.

I say it's nothing, but in reality, they keep me going.

_-Finally, the baby quiets down._


	8. Chapter 8

**Scene 7**

You held whiskey in your hands.

Shelby boys' medicine.

Whiskey cologne.

You're not like my husband,

He indulges too much.

You're not like your brother,

You drink just the right amount.

You're not like before,

You didn't like being alone,

Now you create it.

It's been a while.

No longer we end each other's days.

But I still think of you.

-"C_an I sit here?"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Scene 8**

Love is fear,

You hand it all to another.

To this day I still fear you.

All we share.

You order me a drink,

Cream soda,

You remembered.

Silence filled the room,

The bartender leaves us.

"There's a horse race…" you begin.

But I stop you.

Still, we're trying.

Can you hear my heart?

_Hurry up._

Interrupt me,

Tell me what we need.

"You're right…" you agree.

Before I cry,

Still can't believe the things we've said.

Please let's find another way.

_Hurry up._

Before you lose me.

You hold my hand,

You know me.

-_Warmth._


	10. Chapter 10

**Scene 9 (Tommy)**

He's waiting for me,

Most likely heard about my encounter at the pub.

"Hello Arthur." my dear brother.

"Tommy when will you give me a chance."

Already I can smell his breath.

Talking about Em.

Sweet Em.

Brown eyes,

Dark like Chocolate.

"She's your wife, stop reading into nothing." I remind him.

Long hair,

Cascading down her back.

"You toy with her as you do with everyone Tommy.

For once can you treat someone like a human."

I close my office doors,

How many time have we had this discussion?

Her hands were so warm.

Through the door I hear my brother, "Do you still love her?" mumbling.

\- _Do I?_


	11. Chapter 11

**TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM MENTIONS**

**Scene 10(Emily)**

At the table,

The house is quiet.

I play with the candlelight.

Staring into it as it flickers.

Life was so simple,

Laughing and loving.

Telling each other's stories over and over again.

Looking at my wrists,

White lines straight across.

Flowers are next to the candle.

Just like at the hospital you sent me to after the incident.

You promised to visit, instead, he did.

Life was so simple,

Little kids, dancing at night.

Family dinners and time flies.

-Life isn't simple anymore.


	12. Chapter 12

**Scene 11**

Remember the wedding, down by the river.

The night was dark,

Illuminated by all the candles.

My dress was pale pink,

You used to say I was your princess,

Loved when you said that.

Long hair like Rapunzel,

Dainty feet like Cinderella,

Lost like all the others.

I married him,

No one could believe it.

I couldn't for sure.

We danced that night though.

Your hand at my waist,

Smiles buried beneath our teeth.

Tears welling up behind our eyes.

"I love you," you mumbled.

I replied back,

My heart breaking.

Arthur was furious that night at home,

Drank too much and had a fit.

Covered the bruises with makeup.

Ada noticed and told you.

You beat him silly.

-_Why couldn't you fight for me like that when you broke my heart?_


	13. Chapter 13

**Scene 12 (Tommy) **

She never once asked about all the mistakes I've done.

Letting me always kiss her cheeks.

Heaven and hell are nothing to me,

I just need her by my feet.

Sewing new razors into my hat.

Closing my eyes,

The way her skin felt so soft when I held her hand.

My baby, my sweet Em.

—_Wishful thinking_


	14. Chapter 14

**Scene 13 (John) **

She cares for my kids, no one asked her to,

Yet every-day she comes over.

My friend Em.

The day Tommy introduces us,

I fell in love with you.

Swore I dreamed you up.

Even married as I was.

In love, we all fell with you.

Your heart broke in pieces,

I visited as much as I could.

Both of us alone.

I should've asked you first, why doesn't I?

Ring in my pocket.

I had my chances.

Could've given you all I could.

Ring in my pocket.

But I didn't.

You married another.

And just like my brother,

You became another's.

—_Still, a ring is in my pocket._

**_AN:_** Do you guy's like other views points than Emily or Tommy's POVs? please let me know. Are there any characters you wanna see in their eyes from? or anything at all. :) Thank you for all those who have been reading my digital scribbles recently, means a lot to me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Scene 14 (Emily)**

_There's nothing we can do._

They say.

_Well, she's not sick._

They conclude.

_Electric or the ice pick to the brain?_

They debated.

_Disobedient or ungrateful?_

Are they still debating?

_No._

You said to their silly questions.

_Thank you._

I whispered but you wouldn't hear me.

-_I am grateful, more than you know._


	16. Chapter 16

**Scene 15**

Walls were around me for a bit,

Surrounding me,

With a psychotic fever.

You sent me there,

Promised they kiss my bad thoughts better.

I needed you.

Cocktails of pills.

Arthur's flowers.

John's jokes.

I needed you.

Months passed,

You signed me in,

Only you could sign me out.

I played the part of getting better.

I needed you.

He gave me a diamond ring,

I accepted in a drugged up sin.

Did I dream about it?

You signed me out,

What was recovering even about?

—_I'm going to fret about this until I die_.


	17. Chapter 17

**TRIGGER WARNING:** mention of self arm and addiction.

**Scene 16**

Let's tell you about my marriage.

The little it is.

I love him, but he loves me more.

I think.

I can always smell his mistress on him.

A specific odor.

She isn't the problem here though.

Neither are we exactly.

Your pasts and my pasts are.

You claimed to him that I would heal you,

Why did you give me that much power?

Can't even heal my own self.

You claimed you were better.

Why do I hear that pop from the bottle?

You claimed, claimed. and claimed….

But so did I.

So you take what you can, each pub visit is your affair.

I relish what I can from each _slash._

Each sip.

Each cut.

Each bottle.

Each blade.

The puke.

The blood.

The empty glasses and bottle your witness.

My scars are my exhibit.

_-Addictions_.


	18. Chapter 18

**Scene 17**

Money and power is your mission now.

It used to be equality and tranquility.

Like those American Founding Fathers, I saw you read about.

This is the Shelby way.

Guns in your name, or is that a coincidence?

This is your kingdom, your monarchy.

Definitely not American.

Second, born, but you took the reigns.

You always did love riding horses.

Said we'd own our own horse ranch one sleepless night.

Money and power is your anthem.

When all else fails, toss feelings aside and bet it all.

-_Who are we conquering now?_


	19. Chapter 19

**Scene 18**

Enters the sister.

Short bobbed hair.

She hates my finger waves, says long hair is out of fashion now.

So are corsets and bras too now.

"Let's go out!" she urges.

Ada is sweet and kind.

We're the same age,

Claims she's older because she has one of those weird birthdays.

Only says that because they say she's a kid.

Her boyfriend is a communist,

Saw him passing out pamphlets.

Ada begged me not to tell Tommy,

Doesn't she know we don't talk anymore?

"Hey, hear about that new barmaid?"

I don't care really.

"I think Tommy might like her."

My heart stops.

She talks about Freddy again and their revolution.

My heart won't start back up again.

Not another panic attack?

He held my hand just the other day are the bar.

-_-I care._


	20. Chapter 20

**TRIGGER WARNING: **Mention of eating disorders.

**Scene 19**

Blonde.

Blue Eyes.

Skinny.

Can Sing.

Outspoken.

Blonde.

Skinny.

Blue Eyes.

Blonde.

Skinny.

Blue Eyes.

Skinny.

Skinny.

-_Can't eat now._

**AN: **We are now starting to see how much Emily struggles mentally. In the next chapter, we will begin to see the start of her troubles before Tommy.


	21. Chapter 21

**TRIGGER WARNING:** Self-harm and sexual violence

**Scene 20**

My mistakes?

I have a lot.

Like slitting my wrists open that day.

It was before everything.

And it hurt you.

Your memories on being stuck in dark tunnels.

Blood.

Like when I went down a different street,

I was thirteen.

And a shadow crept up on me.

Hands restrained me.

Some men are just plain to mean.

You aren't though.

You're one of the nice ones.

Arthur is nice too,

I do love him.

Just not how he needs me too.

Or how I place all my love into certain people.

All my feelings bubble up to a boil.

And it's a lot.

Spills out.

My biggest mistake was coming out alive I guess.

Alone in the world.

Orphan to even the streets.

Only nature called to me.

The old gypsie under the bridge told me stories of my mother.

No one knows if she's still alive or not.

To me, she was a fairytale-like god or snow white.

Why do I pray then?

Why do I read these stories over and over again?

Then one day even that old gypsie left me,

Went into clouds of smoke.

Always sick she was.

I kept her necklace though.

A lion with a dagger in mouth,

A red stone in hand.

-_The lioness prevails._

**AN:** A look into Emily's troubled past. I base Emily's struggles of those in my own past as a reference.


	22. Chapter 22

**Scene 21**

The girl wears her feathers.

She hides behind them as she speaks.

Fanning herself from the heat.

I'm not here for you.

Just me.

The barmaid is charming.

Little makeup and little words.

She plays at being docile.

But I know what she is.

Snake.

Her ears perk up when you peak in.

Not for curiosity but for work.

I didn't even need to try.

At the parties, I listen.

The Garrison,

The meeting hall.

Where deals are made.

Hands are shaken.

Beer and whiskey spill.

"Can I get you anything miss?" you ask.

"Creme Soda," I mumble with a polite smile.

You're nice.

I'm sure if we knew each other outside of their world we would be friends.

But I'm stuck here.

And I need to protect their world.

"EM!" the doors open wide,

John strolls in,

Flicks the toothpick out of his mouth.

Arm around my shoulders.

"This lady is with us Grace, You know Arthur right? His wife she is."

Ears perking up just like I've noted.

"I didn't realize, you don't come to the Garrison much do you?"

I shake my head no,

"Only when the wind calls for some cold soda."

-_Passive._


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry guys! I've been busy with school and work recently. I promise to start uploading more again. Thank you to those who have been reading my scribbles. It means a lot.**

**Scene 22**

"EM!" I heard the door open.

He was in a good mood.

"Father's in town! You need to meet him!"

Ecstatic.

I heard of this father.

One of those who comes and goes.

Arthur Sr.

Tommy hated him.

Blamed him for their mother's death.

She killed herself, did you know that?

But only Tommy knows that.

He says their mum was too upset and when she pushed Finn out,

She tapped out of the ring.

It's really sad to think about.

Tommy likes to keep it to himself.

Never had me meet his father, kept me far away from him.

_-I didn't mind, I was still afraid of men._


	24. Chapter 24

**Scene 23**

Outside of town, there's a tree swing.

Built for me,

A wedding gift from my husband.

With his big arms.

Boxer at heart.

But his father beats him in his game.

His little brothers show him up.

Poor man he is.

—_Swingin' real high. _


	25. Chapter 25

**Scene 24**

The schemer I am is hidden.

I hide in the shadows and get my answers.

The little mouse I am.

_Tommy always said I had a knack for hiding._

Every time I close my eyes I see the dark I had once left.

See the blonde doesn't know me truly yet.

_I'm no threat to her._

I go to the art gallery.

Looking at pieces I wished to live in.

The girl in the portrait has working hands.

_Mine is softer now._

_He used to comment on their roughness._

Who is the man you meet within dark circles?

This is a public space.

I'm no snitch, you are a rat.

_-Coming from the gutters helps at times._


	26. Chapter 26

**Scene 25(Tommy)**

Time for my story.

People say the universe was made in seven days,

But it wasn't complete until she came.

I walked between tall buildings.

Doing business for boys in London.

The skies were gray,

The dirt was gray,

The men were gray,

My razor blades painted them red though.

Poor girl.

Nineteen.

It had taken her nineteen years,

6,935 days,

For her to cross my paths.

To complete my world.

-_Creation_


	27. Chapter 27

**Scene 26**

Arrival,

I came to your doorstep once with flowers.

You cried falling petals.

Threw them out the window,

Held you closely.

"Never ever bring me flowers."

You made me promise.

At the time I just nodded.

I was too young to truly understand.

Until later I saw you shaking,

Pocket knife in your sleeves ready.

Streets terrified you,

Men were monsters to you.

I knew I could never come to you.

_-You had to come to me._


	28. Chapter 28

**Scene 27**

So you weren't a flowers type of girl.

Neither perfume or jewelry.

Hard to please,

Easy at the same time.

For once I found one,

Who didn't want my name or my cash?

See it was hard for me,

Getting it wasn't,

But finding ONE was.

One was one who could understand me.

One was one who could listen to me.

One was one who can love me.

-_You were and always will be the 'one.'_


	29. Chapter 29

**Scene 28 **

I brought you to my home.

My town.

My family.

I was scared to tell you.

The fortunes and misery in my name.

But you didn't care.

Just wanted away with gray air.

Everyone loved you just as I

Every day we spent it with you.

My aunt took you in.

My brothers longed for you.

My sister befriended you.

I fell deeper for you.

-_better days._


	30. Chapter 30

**Scene 29**

Lines.

In between, yours lies stories.

You can't control it you say.

That sometimes when the feelings are too much,

It calms you down.

Even joy does this to you,

You don't know how to deal with them.

They consume you until the emotions seep out.

And smother others.

At first, it bothered me.

But then I understood.

-_I wish you wouldn't cut yourself._


	31. Chapter 31

**Scene 30(Emily)**

Tonight is another night.

Where the dew drips onto petal.

Wet leaves watering the soil.

Tonight is another night.

He will bring me flowers.

Pollen freckles my cheeks.

Tonight is another night.

Floral scents fill my brain.

Where is my one true love?

Who will love me?

Tonight is another night.

-_Nightmares._


	32. Chapter 32

**Scene 31(no character)**

Oh, God.

My mind is racing.

Oh, God.

My heart is beating.

Oh, God.

My soul is bleeding.

Oh, God.

Are you true?

Oh, God.

Why am I so blue?

Oh, God.

-_When will you see me through?_


	33. Chapter 33

**Scene 32(Emily)**

Time goes by too fast….


	34. Chapter 34

**Scene 33**

Ada has a heavy heart now.

Freddy died.

So do you.

She left you.

Men shot down.

How does it feel now?

—_Why does this make me __happy? _

**AN**: So now it's time for around season two. I know there was a time jumps a bit, but I felt it was right for Emily doesn't truly deal with Shelby business, she looks from the inside out. How is the story so far guys?


	35. Chapter 35

**AN and TRIGGER WARNING:** If you know the series, you know Arthur has PTSD from the war and it causes him to have panic attacks and lash out on the first person he sees. I express this through his marriage with Emily and how she feels it is her fault and learns it is in fact** NOT her fault.**

**Scene 34**

Arthur has lots of nightmares.

Little devils dig into the tunnels of his ears.

Poking their spears at his brain.

He hates the ticking of the clock,

Drives him bonkers.

He hates when there's no alcohol left.

He drinks it all.

He hates when he gets scared.

So scared that everyone becomes the enemy.

He can't help it.

I remind myself.

He hits me.

He can't help it,

I remind myself again.

Bruises on my skin.

He can't help it,

I remind myself.

He's in pain

But it's wrong.

I can't live this way.

Tears drown me.

I need to go.

I need to leave.

I need someone.

Save me.

-_I need Tommy._


	36. Chapter 36

**Scene 35**

He hit me silly my husband did.

Can't hide it.

Polly grabs me and strips me in the bathroom.

Forces me to look at myself.

Bruises and scars.

I'm crying.

"Is this how you want to live?" She asks.

To her, I'm her daughter.

I wish she was my mother.

"Please don't tell Tommy. "

I begged between tears.

She couldn't promise that.

And like that, I was divorced.

Tommy was furious.

The next time I saw you I was walking out of the office,

Tommy by my side.

Polly on the other.

Signed papers in my hand for the lawyers.

Divorce papers.

You never truly saw the pain until now.

Dropping on your knees.

I wanted to forgive you and hold you.

Crying the way you were.

But Tommy gripped me harder.

Pulling me towards the car.

I watched out the window as you hit your head.

Polly trying to stop you.

Tommy drives off and holds my hand tight.

"I should've known." He begins.

"Should've never given you to him." driving faster.

"I'm sorry Em." stopping the car.

I'm crying tears that won't stop.

Soaking up his jacket as he holds me.

Does this mean I'm no one again?

The papers sign me off.

"Please don't leave me." I barely get out.

And your lips smack against mine.

_-No longer one of you._


	37. Chapter 37

**Scene 36**

My life went back to before Arthur and the hospital

Polly's house.

My room still the same as ever.

"Don't worry dear,

Stay as long as you need."

I smile softly.

I hate this.

Staring in the old bronzy mirror.

"Such long hair." Pol begins to brush.

I hate this.

My reflection,

Dark shades of purple,

Red and marked up.

I hate this.

"Quit it." she looks at me through the reflection.

Biting my tongue,

I smile, "Never started."

I hate this.


	38. Chapter 38

**Scene 37**

The kiss in the car was nothing.

I haven't seen Tommy since.

Everyday meshes together.

I don't get to help John anymore with the kids since he got married.

Now I help Ada with the baby.

She's a mess,

Her great love now dead.

Poor girl.

We dress for the funeral today.

Black attire.

But she's leaving too.

Back to grey London.

Where I can't visit.

I refuse to venture back there.

She understands as I help fix her makeup.

"Em, I'll be fine."

Now I'm crying.

She's holding me.

"Ada, please don't go.' I mumble.

"There there, oh Em, I'll be fine."

Looking me straight in the eyes.

"I'm a Shelby remember, no one messes with us."

She forces a smile.

We both know that's a lie.

We live in constant fear for our lives.

-_Lies we tell ourselves at night._


	39. Chapter 39

**Scene 38**

A month has passed by.

Or has it been more?

Days' pasts come to my mind.

Tonight is the night I changed.

The anniversary.

Cold dark alleys.

I travel my way through the town at night

I know better.

I know better.

Pocket knife in hand.

"Em?"

Startled I turn around.

A scared little girl.

It's John smoking against the wall behind the Garrison.

"Hi, John."I stutter.

He notices the knife, and quickly I put it away in my bag.

Caught.

Sighing, "Hey, come with me."

Not asking.

John is my true love

In a way I never realized.


	40. Chapter 40

**Scene 39**

About time I tell you what began shortly after Arthur.

At a party,

Forget what the Shelby's won this time.

I didn't attend and apparently, I was missed.

My feet swung at the Riverbend,

Tossing rocks.

John found me,

We began to talk,

And soon enough talking turned into us kissing.

And kissing turned into us touching.

Are you picturing it?

I'm no good for him,

See John is married now,

And his wife Esmee hates me.

Pregnant she is now.

She knows about us,

How John comforts me when I cry.

I feel awful,

I think he does too.

I'm playing with him.

But I do love him.

See I've never had a man touch me as gentle as him.

I never even told Tommy the whole story on why,

John knows,

Says he'll kill who hurt me,

Asks me for a name,

But I refuse to even speak it.

Italian is all I say.

In the big city,

I was little,

The man was big and made me think he was nice.

Brought me flowers.

Now John hates Italian men, thinks each one hurt me,

I try to reassure me.

When I sleep in John's arms I feel comfort.

But he knows it won't last.

He tells me how he wanted to marry me.

Bought a ring and everything.

But then Arthur beat him.

Secretly I'm mad at John, for he still could've proposed,

At the time I would've taken anyone.

Perhaps I still would,

But now he's married.

John and Esme would never divorce.

They don't believe in it.

So we're stuck like this

-_Is there a term for this sort of friendship?_


	41. Chapter 41

**Scene 40**

"_I love you," Tommy whisper._

"_I love you too," I reply._

_His lips and mine._

_Suffocating lives out of each other._

"_The world is ours. And I'm going to give it to you."_

_-_proposals of the past.


	42. Chapter 42

**Scene 41**

You and I,

Again I can't get you out.

I was so blind.

Now I can see a mighty high.

You,

Be a good man, I'd say.

Kiss me in the pouring rain.

Don't make me cry.

Don't leave me dry.

I,

Be a good baby, you'd say.

Dressing me up.

Dolly dolly, you' call me.

A chime to your tune.

Me,

Longing and depressing.

Sad girl I am.

It's you and all for you.

I'm sorry I can't be,

What you want me to be.

**AN: **Clearly I was listening to Lana Del Rey while writing this. I find her songs from her Born to Die album are perfect for the story.


	43. Chapter 43

**Scene 42**

Swinging on the swing Arthur built me.

Remembering times from before.

Of you.

Honking the horn of the first,

At the time I wondered where the money came.

Polly told me not to go out just yet.

Tempted I was.

Finally, I did and you held me in your big arms.

"The world is built for two," I heard a singer say.

Baby, baby, you'd call me.

Swinging so high.

Now I wonder if I could touch the sun.

Reach it, feels it's fire.

"Em?" breaking my daydreaming.

You stopped my swing.

I feel your warmth behind me as you hold the ropes.

You're always in charge.

"I thought I'd find you here."

-_My heart starts racing. Did the sun burn me?_


	44. Chapter 44

**Scene 43**

Picking out blades of grass.

Sitting like Indians I read from history books.

Odd they named it that way.

"How have you been?" you start.

I tell you I'm fine. But you know better.

I'm living with Polly again, and she misses her kids.

I then ask of you,

We talk about the bombing of the Garrison.

Sad it was.

Women in black veils the day we wore the same.

was it out of spite or karma?

"Getting through, I was wondering if you'd come to the reopening of the pub?"

Strange offer,

What was this request?

"Okay." I smiled.

_-Joy filled me up overwhelmingly._


	45. Chapter 45

**Scene 44**

The room was filled with locals and cigarette smoke.

Music was in the air,

Drunks occupied the floor.

There were two exclusive rooms.

One for the boys,

Another for business.

I heard you and your brothers in the boy's club room.

I knew I wasn't welcomed,

Couldn't look at Arthur,

Secretly I was scared of him,

The pain he caused me in the end.

I went to the back room, filled with flowers,

Polly's touch.

The doors blocked the crowd,

But you can still hear the music.

As I was about to sit down,

The million dollar man walked in.

You.

"Why didn't you say hi?"

Shrugging,

I'm going crazy.

The silence was between us,

You walked closer taking my hand.

Another on my waist.

"May I have this dance?"

But we already started.

Laying my head on your chest.

We swayed.

Please take me away.

"You know I'll always protect you right?"

Why does this feel odd?

"Shelby's most exotic flower."

I used to be just your flower.

Are you beginning your games again?

"Thank you for showing, your face helps me Em."

Looking up at him.

Dark circles,

Cologne I picked out years ago.

Your shirt is soft.

Kisses, before we knew it.

My heart elates.

Tell me what to do.

Guide me,

Take me everywhere,

Kiss me in the dark,

Your arms are so big.

"Em,' you stop,' I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

You're shaking.

She messed you up.

I messed you up.

The war blew you up.

"I'm sorry too."

Noises interrupt our dance.

"There you are, the maiden of the hour."

John always had great timing.

Quickly he notices that Tommy is about to break my heart again,

So he takes me swiftly.

Why couldn't I fall for John instead?

He kisses me in the blue dark.

He guides me.

Swinging me to a different room.

His arms aren't as big, but they do.

He whispers in my ear.

But I whisper your name.

\- How can anyone love me?


	46. Chapter 47

**Scene ****46**

I walked into the office, dark and smoked filled from all the cigarettes.

Polly forgot her purse. I believe she did it on purpose.

As soon as I walk in men look at me. They know how I am.

Now Emily Black, my maiden name following me around.

Black, how fitting for a sad little girl.

Smiles and nods. Tommy trained them right. In the past the stares were stabbing.

I have a polite line slapped on my face, I see Lizzy. Poor girl, tramp she was now secratary. I envy her strength.

"Is Pol here? She forgot her purse." I hold up.

"No but she will be soon I'm guessing, Tommy and Her went out for business. I'd say about fifteen minutes?"

Lizzy has deep set eyes and is tall for most girls. Still never stopped her. Beautiful she is. I heard Tommy went to her a few times.

"I'll wait, where can I sit?"

Laughing, "Tommy's office is free, I'm sure he wouldn't mind you sitting there." Smiling.

I hesitate and look around the room.

No empty chairs besides his office.

The room has double doors and the safe is behind his cherry wood desk.

I sit down at his desk. Only a photograph of all of us on front of the Garrison.

Why was I hoping for one of us? Silly girl. That was years and years ago

I don't know what came over me, but I start opening his drawers.

Mostly business files, pens, cigarettes, whiskey, and two revolvers.

There one with a lock on it though.

Six digits.

Why am I so tenpted, I know it wouldn't be his birthday or anything simple like that, he's too smart.

It's a tiny drawer, only could fit a book or two.

I put my birthday in….

\--OPENED, inside was the picture of us.


	47. Chapter 48

**Scene 47**

The doors open and it's a familiar face,

But not one I expected to see.

He does work here though.

"Em." His voice was soft.

I started the shake,

I never used to shake around Arthur, why now?

"A-arthur. " I stuttered.

His eyes are a grey blue, tommy took his blue eyes.

I get up suddenly, "lizzy said I could sit in here."

Soft smile, "it's alright, we know you wouldn't do anything." Laying some papers on the desk.

But before I can say anything he adds, "I'm sorry Em." And walked out.

Just as he did Tommy and Polly walk in.

Studying the air of what just happened.

"Here Pol, your purse."

Before anything I Dart outside.

Fresh air.

I can breath again.

Images in my mind race.

Drunk Arthur,

And HIM.

I can't mix the two,

My cheeks start to feel wet.

\--Accepting the past is hard.


	48. Chapter 49

**Scene 48**

I can be your baby tonight.

Shining bright with diamonds on my bodice.

Kiss me in the dark.

Kiss me in all the right spots.

What should they all say?

Skipping rocks down the lake.

Skipping from room to room.

I can be your baby tonight.

Long hair.

Eyes bright and I don't care.

What should they all say?

Just don't ever give me away.


	49. Chapter 50

**Scene 49**

I remember the days when you didn't know if you'd make it to 28.

Days were dark.

I remember the way you stay awake at night, staring at the walls.

They're coming for you.

Walls talk, and the people talk.

The ceiling drips water into the bucket. And a drop goes down my cheek.

The skies turn gray. Just like my past.

Yes, the Italian. How do I explain to him?

Crisp.

Everything tailored to him for perfection; coats, shirts, trousers, and guns.

Wordy.

The way he spoke was charismatic. Looking deep into the dark pits of every pair of eyes.

Handsome.

I admit it.

Trouble.

I should've seen it.


	50. Chapter 51

**Scene 50**

In my head, I play house sometimes.

Curtains nice and straight, kitchen sparkly clean, my dress nice and pretty.

Your skin is so soft.

In my head, I play house sometimes.

The sheets are fresh. Wrinkle-free. Tucked beneath tightly.

Your lips are sweet.

In my head, I play house sometimes.

Giggles in the back, a swing set, flowers smell so sweet.

Your words are intoxicating.

In my head, I play house sometimes.

But in my true house, there is none of this.

I don't house anything.

Unmarried I am.


	51. Chapter 52

**Scene 51**

I'm trying hard to not get in trouble.

But a battle is happening inside.

I want to cry.

But outside I fight.

I'm crazy in and out.

How does John not see?

I don't want to be alone at night anymore.

So I lay in bed by myself until then.

I don't know how many nights or mornings go by, but I'm stuck and scared.

\- _There are no clocks in my room._


	52. Chapter 53

**Scene 52**

Sad little bird.

Flying in dreamland.

I want to be a wolf-like.

I want to bite back with the pack.

I used to.

I used to kill.

I used to be animal at the blood.

Here we go again, Dancing the same tune.

Never satisfied.

Animals.

I'm not alive in this dream.

I'm not dead either.

I'm back in the past.

Little fingers with dirt in between her nails.

I dig in the mud, I carve into trees.

Breaking backs and longing to laugh.

A pup with big dreams.

Never looking both ways.

Who raised me that fierce?

_No one._

Each year I grew a bit taller and so did the buildings.

London was gray as can be.

_-But I still saw the sunrise._


	53. Chapter 54

**Scene 53 (John)**

Can't get through to her.

She lays in bed all day and night says, Polly.

The two of us try to get her out of her den.

But she's all holed up.

Closed off to the world.

I wish for nothing more than to be what she needs.

The _one _she needs.

But soon my mind comes to agree.

I am not what she needs.

I hold her in bed.

Polly doesn't ask questions.

Emily needs the warmth, going cold she is.

Until I see the blood tearing from her eyes when she sleeps.

Imaginary blood.

It's him who she needs.

Tommy


	54. Chapter 55

**Scene 54(John)**

"She won't leave her room, Tommy, I'm worried." I begin.

Polly is in the corner also worried.

Tommy doesn't say anything, just gets up and looks out the window in his office. What does my brother think when he hears her name?

The girl he promised to love and protect forever.

Who one day he left in the wild, like a stray dog. But from distance, he leaves food bowls for her to eat from.

I love him, my brother, but I hate him as well.

The way he's changed in his heart.

Smarter he is, but too much for his own good.

It makes no sense. Turning around my brother grabs his coat from behind his chair,

"Keys Pol," he demands.

Willingly.

And off he goes, her dark prince.


	55. Chapter 56

**Scene 54(Tommy)**

What they are telling me reminds me back to another time.

Before I devoted my life to Shelby business.

Where I too felt defeated and holed up.

It was she who dragged me out.

Yelled at me to get on my feet and see the skies once again.

This was right before I broke her heart into a million pieces.

Before I broke my own.

Never once did I visit her in the hospital,

My fault I believed.

But this time I won't allow her to dig herself into the ground.

-_Tunneler I am._


End file.
